My Final Song
The moment Carl
announced that we would have to move was no surprise to me. I had heard God speak to me years before
saying that He was taking us to places we had never been. It was in those same moments that He
commissioned me to advance my music ministry with passion and fervor. At the sound of His voice, I was filled with
a sense of His power. I knew that, this
time, things would be different. After
all, I had God’s favor on my side!
Unfortunately,
the next several years were not what I expected. Instead of being suddenly “discovered” by some big name recording
executive, I helplessly watched the power and quality of my voice dissipating
almost overnight. As a worship leader,
I was desperate to find a solution for my vocal issues. As a result, the next year was spent in one
doctor's office after another seeking a medical reason for the loss of my
voice. The first doctor quickly
diagnosed silent reflux as the issue, but could do no more than treat the worst
of my symptoms before sending me to another doctor. The second cautioned that I may be in the beginning stages of
esophageal cancer, giving me a year to live.
Thankfully, tests proved he was wrong.
He eventually sent me to a third doctor who did little more than the
second. Doctor after doctor left me
wondering if I would ever hear “my” voice again.
Each time I would
sing with my weakened voice (a requirement of my job), more of the quality and
power would be lost until I was left with a mere remnant of the voice I had once
cherished. One particularly bad day, I
fell to my knees and told God that if this was all the voice I had left, I
would use it for His glory. I would
give to Him the gift of my final song.
I remember lying prostrate with tears streaming down my face while
Casting Crowns sang “If all I had was one more song to sing, I would
raise a noise to make the heavens ring!” Music intersected with my heart as those
words became my prayer and my purpose.
Within one month, I was sent to a vocal specialist in Philadelphia who
immediately recognized what I was facing and began a treatment plan that would
almost completely restore the voice I thought I had lost forever.
It’s amazing how
skewed our outlook can become when even God’s people begin to value us by our
talents. Unknowingly, I had allowed myself to view my worth within the Body of
Christ by the quality of the music I performed. I felt that my voice was all I had to offer and, without it, I
was useless. This incredibly humbling
experience taught me that my voice wasn’t all that I had to use for God’s glory
— He wanted to use me completely.
When I joined my
first Incubator webinar and heard Nate Sakany, President of Incubator Creative
Group, sharing that music was only the wrapping on the package of who God made
me, I was stunned! Was there really a
music company who was interested in who I was beyond my vocal ability and stage
presence? Over and over again
throughout that series I sat dumbfounded to hear this CEO speaking directly to
the heart of my deepest desire. I
wasn’t looking for fame or fortune.
What my heart really yearned for was to connect the message within me to
the people around me. The more I
examined Incubator, the more impressed I was and the more I knew that God had
brought us together.
My journey with
Incubator has been full of emotion! I
have laughed at how similar Nate’s jokes are to mine (while Carl groaned in the
background), and I have cried as a sense of God’s anointing on my ministry
overwhelmed me. I have ripped out my
hair in frustration convinced that I could never accomplish all this work. Then soared with elation as I sent in the
last project on time. God has taken me
to the end of myself, to the place where I had nothing left, and then restored
to me more than I had lost. Today, I am
humbled and amazed and filled with a sense of purpose. My life is not my own. I was bought with a price that I could never
repay. Every note I now sing reminds me
of how great, how loving, and how good my God truly is!
